I've long suspected there's been a Secret Parenting Club I'm not part of. The one which knows birth can be horrendous, breastfeeding is almost impossible and being at home with a newborn can drive you to the brink of sanity. The Secret Parenting Club doesn't tell you these things. You have to find out for yourself.And the surprises continue throughout your parenting journey. Almost six years in I like to think I know what I'm doing. But it turns out I don't because I'm not part of the Secret Parenting Club.
I found this out when Podge finally realised he doesn't magically know how to swim, he has to have lessons to learn how to do it. So after much persuasion he eventually agreed to be booked onto swimming lessons. Not being a member of the Secret Parenting Club I assumed I could just phone up and book. But no. I phoned up and was given an advance date I should book on - 3rd October.
So on Monday 3rd October I phoned to book swimming lessons but there was no answer (not a member of The Club you see). So I decided to go down to the swimming pool itself. Once there I hung around at the reception desk while other mums walked past me and joined another queue. Eventually a sleepy looking swimming pool bloke in flip flops shuffled up to me and pointed me in the direction of the queue.
The mums already queueing were clearly a member of the Secret Parenting Club. They all knew you had to go to the swimming pool in person at an allotted date and time and stand in a certain queue. And there I was joining the back of the queue even though I arrived there before them. I suspect the swimming lessons were all booked up by lunchtime, lucky we got a slot. Just as well I used my brain eh?
Why don't members of the Secret Parenting Club want to let me in on their secrets? In fact I think one did a week or two ago. I managed to glean that the waiting list for Beavers is about five years long and by the time your child gets a place they're pretty much too old for Beavers and have to go to Cubs where the waiting list is eight years long. Okay, I'm exaggarating a bit, but I think I did well to find that out.
And members of the Secret Parenting Club always know when it's dress down day and never have to whisk their child back home from school in the morning to get changed because their child is the only one in school uniform. What's that you say? Read the school newsletter properly? Pfft.
