I've noticed that when Victoria Beckham goes on a shopping trip with Harper Seven, it's just the same as when I go on a shopping trip with my little girl.Victoria always seems to be carrying Harper, presumably she has people to carry her bags for her whereas I have to hang mine off the back of the pushchair. Recently the pushchair tipped over backwards in a shop while Little Girl was still in it. She didn't hurt herself because she was padded by the sheer bulk of bags hanging off the back. She was helped by two shop assistants because I was chasing Fington round some other part of the shop at the time. Victoria Beckham's shopping trips probably aren't like that.
If people were to write about my shopping trips, the write-up would be very similar to Victoria and Harper's shopping trips. Here's a recent account of Victoria and Harper, and I imagine an article about me and Little Girl would read something like this:
"Emily and her daughter didn't turn any heads as they shuffled around Next. Perfecting the ungroomed look, Emily's hair was scraped back in a trendless scrunchie. Her bang-off-trend battered boots bought from Nine West five years ago had seen better days and although she could just about squeeze into her skinny jeans, the look was ruined by a shapeless hoodie top which retails at £15 from a well-known supermarket.
"Emily's daughter is undeniably gorgeous (even more so than Harper Seven Beckham), so why her mother decided to dress her in shabby jeans which were too short and a yoghurt stained top is anyone's guess. And the wild untamed hair needs a good brushing. You'd think toddlers scream when a hairbrush is in the same room as them.
"Overall Emily gets the thumbs down on style from us. Being deprived of time and sleep is no excuse we say. Forget yummy mummy, this sorry state is in the slummy mummy camp until she gets her act together."
Maybe I'm not that similar to Victoria Beckham after all. Is that a surprise to anyone?
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