What my 2 year old did while my back was turned

And my back wasn't turned for long. It was just while I was secretly eating biscuits in the kitchen. Well I've been punished now haven't I?

Why reading with small children is painful

Are you allowed to admit to stuff like this? I know books are important for children and I can see how our hard work reading books with the children is paying off. They love books. But the whole thing is strenuous and painful isn't it?

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if my children were happy with my choice of book. But despite my best efforts in getting them interested in children's classics like Winnie the Pooh, the boys just want to read Star Wars. Have you ever had to read a sticker book as a bedtime story? We have the Star Wars Lego sticker book and the Star Wars Lego dictionary as regular bedtime reads. There is also a Star Wars book which actually has stories in it, they're about the six episodes. But quite a few people die in these stories and have their hands chopped off by light sabres, leading me to wail, "Kids, can't we just read The Gruffalo?"

How I lost my confidence

Illness is disempowering. And hospital is a disempowering place. I'm not a confident person but over the years I've learnt how to fake confidence. This can work quite well until something comes along to knock it.

Lying in a hospital bed waiting to get better sounds straightforward, but it isn't. Spending a length of time in hospital (more than three or four days) can start to mess with your head a bit. In fact it changes everything.

In hospital you lose your identity. It's unavoidable. Suddenly you're a patient in a place which is looking after thousands of other ill people too. You become part of the system. You're the patient in Bay 1, Bed 2 on such-and-such ward. When I was very ill in intensive care I wore a hospital gown instead of my own nightwear and the only belongings I had to hand were my phone and toothbrush. I had a bag somewhere which I couldn't get to because I couldn't get out of bed. The only thing I needed out of that occasionally was my phone charger. It's strange how much of our identity is the 'stuff' we have around us: useful things, sentimental things and clothes. Just things which remind us who we are. Points of reference.

Digging out some old photos

Here are some old photos. And I mean old because they were taken before we had a digital camera and I've had to scan them in. Our box of photo albums was in the loft and I haven't looked through them since we moved house almost six years ago. There are a lot of them, the box was too heavy to lift and husband had to get the albums out of the loft individually (while swearing a bit at my annoying requests).

I don't know what made me want to look at them all of a sudden. But it's fun indulgent nostalgia for my own selfish reasons and there are lots to look at yet. Here are some which have stories attached.

Can you recommend a good book for me to read?

One benefit of enforced sitting about is having some time to read. I've read the books I had lying around but now I'm stuck for something new to read. So I'm after ideas.

I've just finished a couple of books by Lee Child which are fast paced, easy read crime stuff. Before that I re-read Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier which I've read lots of times because it's one of my favourite books. I've also recently finished Crown and Country by David Starkey which is a history of England's Kings and Queens. So I've got mixed taste. I like geeky non-fiction (history or science) and I like fiction with a strong plot. I don't read much chick lit but if I'm missing out on a good chick lit book I'll try it.

A sign has appeared on the children's bedroom door

It says:

"doant ener this Room No Gerls alowd monsds and aleayens and Gragrs lerck arownd."

When life gives you a second chance

I always thought that if my life were saved then I'd be kissing the ground with joyous thanks every day for my second chance. But I'm learning things are more complicated than that. I wasn't prepared for the psychological part of recovery.

Being faced with the possibility you might not survive what you're going through is a type of trauma. My illness was so sudden I suppose the nearest comparison is a serious accident. It's an experience which takes time to adjust to. I know life can be unpredictable but I sort of blindly and stupidly assumed I'd be around until I was 85. Potentially getting no further than 37 was a difficult discovery.

Twenty twelve?

Or two thousand and twelve? How are we saying it? I've heard a few twenty twelves on the radio and TV already today.

Twenty twelve sounds quite snappy, it's quicker to say. Americans have been saying it for some time, it just seems to be Britain where we insist on saying two thousand. I think I'm going with twenty twelve. After all last century we always used to say nineteen instead of one thousand nine hundred and ninety seven and so on.

Although in Germany they used to say that, neunzehn hundert sieben und neunzig.That's a mouthful. I wonder what they're saying for 2012. What are the French doing?

Forget that, it's twenty twelve for me. And if I seem to be the only one saying it and therefore sound a bit of an idiot I'll quietly revert to two thousand and twelve.

Happy New Year.