I'm just feeling a bit gloomy because it's cold (our central heating isn't working properly, engineer coming tomorrow), it's grey outside and I'm tired and worn out. It's quite tough at the moment and I don't want to say that too much because we chose to have three children. How can you moan about something you chose to do?
But it is tough. Everything is relentless at the moment. Little Girl is in no routine whatsoever. She sleeps, wakes, feeds and cries whenever she wants. The boys were already settling into a routine at this stage but she isn't. She's very unpredictable. The only predictability is her crying in the evening which grinds us down. Husband is out of the house 12 hours a day, and the only time we spend together is accompanied by a crying baby. It's stressful. At night he sleeps in the (very cold) living room so he can get some sleep. Little Girl was sleeping in her moses basket next to the bed but she doesn't like it any more. At night she just wants to be cuddled and fed by me. Which is fine, and it's lovely to have that bond. But what about my husband? She's supplanted his place in our bed at the moment.
At least the boys have calmed down a bit. Podge's tantrums aren't as frequent at the moment and Fington is a bit more accepting of his little sister. He still gets jealous though and sometimes gets upset when I feed her. He's incredibly demanding, always wanting things from me. And because he's refusing to learn more than three words at the moment I don't always understand what he wants which leads to rage on his part.
It feels like there aren't enough hours in the day to get things done. I know I shouldn't worry about housework but I have to do some. And with the central heating messing up and no tumble dryer there's a tonne of wet washing hanging around at any given time. And when I do get some time, like now, I sit down and do some blogging. A really unproductive use of time. But it does make me feel slightly better.
In a bit I'll need to feed Little Girl, wake Fington and we'll get Podge from pre-school. Then we're meant to be meeting some friends at a soft play area. Argh. I hate soft play. But the children love it. That's what it seems to be all about at the moment, doing things for the children.
I can't wait for the warmer weather when the garden can become an extra space for us to use. At the moment it's soggy and cold. I can't wait for Little Girl to become more settled. I can't wait to get a bit more sleep and for husband and I to have some time together. But I don't like to wish time away. These may be hard days but they're also precious days. Somehow they feel wasted on you at the time.
Sorry for the grumbling. I'll cheer up and reply to comments on my previous posts soon.
